June 5, 1981
The only time that I’ve been this tired in my life, was last year when I arrived. Elliot is such a sweet boy, but he wakes up several times in the night, and often I have a hard time getting back to sleep. We’re almost into a rhythm, but I’m finding it difficult to balance school and work. Melanie tried to convince me that I could place some bets and make more cash so that I can afford to not work, but I cannot risk making too much money on ‘luck.’
She called me a few minutes ago.
“The CDC issued a report, there are 5 cases in Los Angeles, and the only linking factor is homosexuality.”
We’ve had many conversations about this, and how once the first story came out, we’d discuss what we could do and try to spread the word of it. She read the report to me, luckily Elliot remained asleep.
“Alright, so they do seem to think it may be sexually transmitted, which is good, we can go on that.” I told her as I ran threw the story a second time in my head. “Here’s the thing, there’s gonna be a lot of people thinking it’s homosexual exclusive, because people won’t admit to themselves that there are closeted gay men in heterosexual marriages. That’s part of the reason it is able to get such a foothold, because every aspect of it makes people uncomfortable.”
“When I bring it up at work, I’ll say something about ‘if it’s sexually transmitted, what about the guys who are having it on the side from their wives.’ If anyone challenges it, I can explain that a friend of mine knew a guy who loved ‘tempting’ married men.”
I nodded, and said, “Do you think you can come up at some point in the next week and watch Elliot for a day or so? Maybe an overnight?”
“Um… I guess.” She sounded irritated.
“I need to go to P-Town and warn a couple of friends, and hopefully they’ll be convince others…”
She was silent on the other side for a long time, and then said, “yeah, I can definitely come up.”
“I miss you,” I added after a long pause.
“I miss you, too.” Her voice was weary but soft. “How’s Elliot?”
“He’s good. He’ll be better when you’re here.” Melanie’s been so good with him, and he’s absolutely at his happiest, and safest when she’s around.
“How’s Carol doing?” Her and my grandmother had become fast friends, and had seemingly bonded as much over the baby as me.
“She’s good. My aunt’s out of school though, so I won’t be getting to see her as much until the fall.”
I haven’t seen her in, about a month, and the truth is that if I hadn’t been as busy as I am, I would be aching beyond control for her. It is tough with every other relationship being somewhat conditional, or limited, by the boundaries of my secret.
I’ve written 3 letters to the mystery traveler in the breakroom at work. The last I sent 2 days ago:
It’s clear that you don’t want to meet with me, I get that. But you must know that I have important work to tend to, and while I’m falling more in love with Elliot, I’m getting thrown off the course of my mission. I’m lucky I have some help, and I’m making enough money to cover the cost of his daycare, but it would be nice for me to hear from you, maybe to let me know if I’m going to be able to balance both long term, and to talk to? Last I heard from you, it sounded as if you were suffering from the same loneliness I had when I arrived, and to be honest, I’m kind of experiencing it again.
Please say something! I’m sure you’ll hear from me soon regardless.
Melanie is still planning on moving up to Massachusetts the first chance she gets, but we’re able to connect less and less, which has made me desperate for connection, and I’ve been hoping he (I assume he’s a guy because the majority of his communications have been from male characters, although to be fair it could just be a lack of female time-travelers in film and literature. That would be crazy if it were a woman from my future. I definitely don’t think it’s Sam. The hours without another talking human being available have driven me to the brink of delirium.
I’ve been faithful to Melanie, but there is a girl at Elliot’s daycare, who’s very cute, and has been pretty subtle but let me know that she’s attracted to me, and single. I then made a point of mentioning my girlfriend, so that she didn’t take my lack of a pass as an insult.
I guess I do have one little bright spot, I may have come up with the necessary concepts to construct a containment field capable of holding enough tachyons to propel someone through time. It’s super theoretical right now, and I’m not sure I can even access the necessary components for more than a decade, to even begin the process of trying to construct it, but it had eluded prior.
Dr. Troy never wanted me to understand the specifics too much, so that I wouldn’t disrupt too much else in the timeline, but I’m pretty sure I have a jumping off point.