Lynnfield MA, 06/06/1980

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June 6th, 1980

Right now, both of my parents, all four of my grandparents, and I are all alive in some form or another.  My hope, even if it is just stolen glances in the supermarket, is to see all of my family as much as possible.  I’ll have to wait though, for six years from today, to see Sam.  My little sister, won’t be born for six years.  I think I might miss her most of all.

In addition to being my sister, Sam was my best friend.  Our parents had moved a lot, and being that we were close in age, Sam and I became very close.  Losing Mom and Dad had been tough, but it might have been manageable if Sam had been there with me.

I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately.  That might not be fair, I’ve been thinking about the three of them, a lot for months.  The distractions of 1980 have been nice to take my mind off of them for a little while, but it can only help so much, only fill so much of my time.


I went to a Red Sox game the other day.  Fenway looks a little different, but is still massively uncomfortable.  I’ve never been much of a Baseball fan, but it was nice not knowing the outcome, and I enjoyed it, even though the Brewers beat the Sox.  There were more runs scored than every other Red Sox game I’ve ever been to (at least I think so).  The Brewers scored 19 runs, and the Sox 8.

The tornadoes hit Nebraska, as I had predicted.  It was terrible to watch the aftermath on the news, but I was relieved to know that I was correct.  One of the things that Dr. Troy and I had spoken about, was the possibility that my existence could change outcomes, basically that the longer I was here, the more likely things were to veer from the way they had happened in my history.  We didn’t know if this would happen, in fact due to my personal belief, that everything that I do must have already happened, and so everything should remain the same.  So far, I haven’t passed many events that I knew their historical outcomes yet.

Melanie has called me every other day, but beyond that she isn’t imposing or overwhelming.  I’m starting to realize, that even though she is an intelligent, and beautiful woman, that she is lonely too.  I forgot that you could feel lonely despite being in the right time and place.

She told me that her ex-boyfriend hadn’t been happy with her when she went to med-school.  He didn’t understand what she would want to be a doctor for.  She believed that he didn’t want her making more money than him.  He was a manager at a restaurant.

She had always been studious, but when they broke up after 5 years, she threw herself into medical school, not only to get over him, but also because she needed to in order to succeed.

She was brilliant, but she told me that there had been a lot of times when she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to pass certain classes.

Her best friend in college, had gone and got married, but remained Melanie’s closest friend through-out medical school.  When Melanie was done with that, Linda went about setting her up with Emmett’s friend, Tony.  That was the blind date she had been waiting for the night she and I met.

She told me that during medical school, there had been some one-night-stands, but nothing more, from the high school boyfriend until me.  She only told me that last piece last night on the phone.  I could tell she was embarrassed, and when I pushed her on it, she admitted that she didn’t want me to think she was a “skank.”  I reassured her, that I did not think that.

I told her that at work, I would try to get the fourth of July weekend off and come and visit her.  I could hear the relief in her voice, she must have been happy that I was actually willing.

Somehow, I have this weekend off, so after I work my shift tonight, I have two days in a row off.  I hadn’t requested it, but my boss Bill likes that I’m always on time and work hard, and keeps trying to ‘give me the perks’ of being a good employee.  I’ve explained to him several times that I don’t care about weekends in general, but he thinks I’m just letting other guys take them.

I have no idea what I will do with two days of uninterrupted “me time.”  There is only so much reading I can do in a weekend, and I don’t like anything that’s on TV.

One thing that has been helping me, is getting outside.  I’ve been walking to and from work everyday, which is about 3 miles each direction.  The physical exercise has made my body feel better and lighter, and also helped to lift the fog in my brain.  The more I walk the more I feel like I’m making progress, and it helps to clear my mind.


If I don’t kill myself from boredom over the next couple of days, I look forward to going back to see my Grandmother again.  Right now, that’s what I’m trying to keep in my brain.

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